Having fights or arguments in a relationship is inevitable. However, there are sometimes when the arguments simply escalate beyond the wildest imagination of the couples involved.
For many, a lot of things get said, with emotions running wild, and once-loving partners are usually left with a bitter taste in their mouths.
Often people ask if there is a threshold that you get to as a couple that makes you realize that this relationship is not going to work. Sadly yes there is.
A few others ask how many fights should you have before breaking up.
The truth is, ideally conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Also, starting a fight harms relationships.
Research has it that healthy arguing actually brings couples together however the key predictor of a divorce or breakup is not what you argue about, it’s how you argue.
The Love Shadow would be delving into;
- Healthy ways to fight as a couple.
- Real reasons couple fight
- Practical ways to stop and prevent fights in your relationship.
Although arguing with a partner might seem normal, however, fighting every day should be avoided at all costs, fighting can lead to troublesome relationships if handled poorly.
Healthy Ways To Fight As A Couple
There are ways to stop fighting and prevent a relationship from completely breaking down. To avoid frequent fights, you need to fight well now.
It takes time and commitment to get to the root of the problem, so don’t run away from the conflict, but face it honestly and head-on. You can apologize or ask your partner what you can do to resolve the issue. Instead of being defensive, be receptive to what the other person has to say apart from that, if the argument becomes too heated, step away from the situation to cool down. Once you clear your head, you may be able to regain your perspective. Also, consider spending some time alone.
If you have any causes to argue or fight, consider always fighting face to face and not through digital means as is the case today. Texting may pave way for horrible fighting as it creates misunderstanding with many things taken out of context.
It’s always easy for messages, notes, voice, et cetera, to be misconstrued during texting. The best way to argue as a couple is face to face, that way each partner has the unique advantage of looking into the eyes of the other, gauging their level of anger, and also being able to calm things down when it’s getting out of hand.
Real Reasons Behind Most Couple Fights.
Now, instead of asking why are you always arguing about XYZ, you have to start looking deeper. What emotions and needs are behind the argument? The topic of disagreement is only the tip of the iceberg. True emotions and the needs of your relationship live beneath the surface and are rarely discussed. Note that frequent fights may arise from the silliest of arguments, but research has shown that the top issues couples fight about include physical intimacy, free time, money, managing family relationships on each side, and lack of trust and compatibility.
Also fueling the fire of conflict could be sex especially as one partner may always want more than the other, so differences in sex drives, for instance, can cause a lot of problems in relationships. When it comes to money, Couples may fight over, for instance, what to spend money on, what to save on, etcetera. Other less common reasons may include jealousy, hating each other’s friends, and managing household chores.
Practical Ways To Stop and Prevent Fights in Your Relationship.
It’s important that you sit down with your partner and identify your issues. Review all the arguments you’ve had in the last few days or months and try to identify the patterns, the common patterns behind the frequent fights.
Smaller arguments with your partner that stems from the demands of you controlling your desire to have alcohol daily or spending more time together by cutting down on social media use can be settled through minor adjustments, compromise, and understanding.
It’s possible to heal emotional wounds and rebuild love in any relationship.
Now, there are a few things you need to ask yourself when you’re trying to get to the bottom of why you’re arguing so much. For instance, who usually initiates the fights? if the fights or spats are frequently initiated by one partner that’s a red flag. if someone is always wanting to turn everything into a fight, then there’s a bigger issue on hand. Also, ask yourself if the fights are getting eventually resolved because if the fights are spats but don’t get resolved, it’s just a matter of time before things really begin to escalate.
How are your fights? as this is another way to look at your fights and see if you shouldn’t break up, especially when you observe the language being used. If the fights contain emotional abuse such as name-calling, mocking, contempt, and cruelty, it’s a bad sign and often damages or ends relationships. It’s OK to disagree and work through different emotions and opinions, but it should be done in a way that doesn’t become toxic or demeaning.
Now, if you and your partner fight all the time, breakup might become inevitable, it’s important to remember that you can learn how to avoid arguments in your relationship through;
#1. Giving each other space:
While you do need to make a point to talk through issues, you don’t have to and probably shouldn’t discuss issues when emotions are high. When you’re angry at each other, it’s more likely that one or both of you will lash out or make hurtful comments. So take some time to take a deep breath before thinking of tackling the topic.
Once you’re calm, you’re likely to avoid a heated argument and those irrational, hurtful things that you might have wanted to say to your partner at the time.
#2. Don’t Worry About Being right.
There are no winners when it comes to arguments with your partner just because you may be on the right side of an issue. Sometimes letting go of your desire to be right is necessary if you want to learn how to stop fighting in a relationship. Try to look at things from the perspective that you and your partner are a team, only then can you both win because this would require that you’re able to compromise.
#3. Be a better listener.
Not only being an active listener helps prevent fights, but it can actually improve the quality of your relationship while simultaneously enhancing many other areas of your life. Make it a point to really listen to what your partner is saying, showing them that you’ve heard their concerns. If they tell you about something important to them, ask them questions. Be engaged and value what they’re saying so that you can learn more about how they actually feel.
Lacking communication skills or not being an active listener in your relationship can cause insecurity in that relationship for both of you. We know it can be tough to be vulnerable, especially when the two of you are constantly fighting or having occasional disagreements, stay positive, keeping in mind this is totally normal, but you need to let them know how these events make you feel.
Instead of blaming your partner, use personalized statements like “I feel,” to express yourself if you find that your partner is constantly dismissive of your feelings.
Don’t fall victim to gaslighting. Don’t let your partner blame you or outside circumstances for something they caused, or you’ll find yourself in a one-sided relationship and always being served
#4. Pause before you speak
Oh, this is so imperative as it’s now common to spew harsh and hurtful things in the heat of the moment, only to regret your words later. When you’re discussing a hot topic, make it a point to count to three before you speak. Pressing the pause button can help you avoid hurtful comments that otherwise may escalate the argument into a really nasty fight
#5. Build healthy communication skills.
Poor communication can cause all kinds of issues in relationships, especially when you’re at odds with your significant other. If you’re able to learn how to communicate in a relationship in a healthy way, disagreements will become less. When you talk, make sure both of you are listening and actually feel heard. And finally, try to be empathetic. At times, your partner’s behavior may feel outlandish or unreasonable, one good tactic when you’re learning to stop fighting in a relationship is to try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and to try to understand your partner’s perspective. So instead of becoming defensive, try to understand why they feel the way they do. You may want to ask your partner questions, for instance, so you get a better grasp of where they’re coming from, etcetera. hopefully, this would lead to finding common ground.
So the big question is how many fights should you have before breaking up?
While there’s no standard formula for how often you should fight with your partner. There are definitely some signs to look out for that may warrant it.
Things in your relationships aren’t going too well now. If you’re unhappy or fighting every day, or the fights are getting worse, you should reflect on things like that. You know there’s no real magic number, it’s the truth, but they’re red flags that you need to look out for.
Finally, every couple fights and that’s just the truth. However, not every couple fight to the point where their relationship becomes unhealthy or it’s just not making them happy anymore. So keep that in mind. If you’re fighting every day or if your fights are intense, scary, or make you feel bad about yourself, then you should definitely evaluate what’s going on. There’s a difference between fights and arguments and the difference is that it has less to do about what’s being said and more to do with how it’s being said. So just remember that just because you’re fighting doesn’t necessarily mean you should break up.
Probably there’s a larger issue at play that you both need to sort out by facing it head-on.
It can be hard to have those difficult discussions, but if you don’t want to end things then you must do the work. If over time, you’re seeing fewer fights and there’s more listening in the relationship, you’re definitely on the right path. Repeating the same argument means the demise of your relationship as arguing frequently about the same issues over and over again for long periods means there’s going to be no change and it might be time to actually exit that relationship.