Everyone, at some point in their adult life, has felt left behind for whatever reason.
Such it is understandable that it’s hard to stay positive when everyone in your circle is getting a promotion, making more, perhaps even having children, or doing all the things you sometimes wish that you could be doing.
For others, it could be the feeling that no matter what you accomplish, you can’t convince yourself that you’re doing it right or you feel stuck in comparison and everyone is doing better.
The truth is, even when you’re feeling left behind, you’re not and you are definitely not alone in that type of struggle.
As a matter of fact, most people compare themselves to their neighbors at some point in their lives.
Culture tells us that by the time you’re 30 years old, it’s expected that you’ve made headway down your chosen path.
It is expected that you’ve checked off some important milestones of life on an invincible bucket list and if that’s not you, you are bound to feel stuck.
How do you become unstuck?
#1. Let yourself off the hook.
The first step to coping with thoughts of being left behind is to acknowledge these feelings for what they are not, that what you feel when you find out that your friend landed their dream job is more likely to be disappointment that you’re not enjoying the same success rather than jealousy.
Strong disappointment is benign, not malevolent. Disappointment, however, often feels just like jealousy, which leads to guilt starting a negative cycle. You can and should break it off early.
Usually, just knowing the difference can relieve those feelings of guilt from your already burdened mind
#2. Life has no correct order.
You probably have had specific goals in mind for most of your life. We tend to have benchmarks for when these goals should happen, and if they aren’t happening in that exact time frame, we begin to panic. It’s vital to note that the idea that life’s events must occur in a certain order is not true as sometimes other things can get in the way of the timeline such as health issues, unexpected opportunities, familial duties, or money issues.
Some people graduate from College at 22, while some graduate at 60.
Some people start a family sooner than they planned, and others start much later than they planned. Many define their family without children at all.
There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s all about finding the order that best works for you.
#3. Reframe the shame.
If you fear that you’re falling behind your peers, remember that everyone goes through periods of life that are less successful than others. We can’t be succeeding all the time, otherwise, that wouldn’t be considered success at all.
The setbacks and the slumps are more than just building character, you need to believe that they’re just as valuable as the high points.
Every experience you have is teaching you something and is valuable in making you a full, complex, complete person. We need periods in our life that aren’t as fruitful as others to remind us what we’re working so hard for and how far we’ve come. Try to reframe the shame you feel regarding the less successful periods of your life. Remember, falling behind and getting delayed or sidetracked are part of the job.
#4. Invest in yourself.
It’s time to work on those things that are within your sphere of influence because when you invest in yourself, your performance improves.
Give yourself time to work on achieving your goals, whether that means hitting the library to learn more about starting a business or reading up on first-time home ownership.
If you’re after a promotion at work, try listening to productivity podcasts as you commute to and from work every day, study for certification or fuel a passion that you enjoy and that could enhance your skill set, or even consider stepping out of your comfort zone and enrolling in a class where you can learn to think outside the box and harness the power of knowledge and science.
#5. Re-evaluate your goals.
It’s so easy to compare yourself to people your age. You may feel bad because some already have high-paying jobs and others are married and started a family.
Try to keep in mind that success is subjective. What some consider success, others do not.
We each have different goals after all. Instead of comparing, focus on what your meaning of success is according to your own goals and try not to let others’ notions of success influence your judgment. Again, if you’re feeling unsuccessful compared to those your age, focus on what is going right for you and what lessons are you learning and what goals are you accomplishing.
How you define success is not as a figure in your bank account or where you live. Think of it in terms of your value.
#6. Ask around.
As you learn, don’t be afraid to ask successful contacts for advice. Respectfully ask for a few minutes to talk about how they achieved what they did and what intel they’ll give you in retrospect.
Take advantage of what others have learned on their road to success and you’ll be surprised at what successful friends are willing to share, and how enlightening their lessons learned can be.
Resolve to do the same and pay it forward in the future when you find yourself in a similarly advantageous position.
#7. Foster compassion:
Learn to have compassion for yourself and others around you. Discover how to take pride in what you’ve achieved outside of anyone else’s shadow.
Volunteer regularly with those less fortunate to keep a healthy perspective on life. Cut back on the temptation to give in to discouragement as discouragement morphs into jealousy so try to stay afloat by learning to love where you are now.
Cultivating understanding for both yourself and others will ensure you do not miss out on the best things in life that are available right now.
Remember, the only true tragedy of not having that spouse or dream job will be the day you get there and look back and regret not having enjoyed today’s unique gifts and joy as you journeyed to the present.
In conclusion, remember that everyone’s path is different, so go forth and live in every moment, making it the best thing you’ll ever experience today.
You haven’t been left behind, you are building your unique empire one brick at a time. Give yourself some credit because you will get there. Today. You got this! You always have.