John grabbed his phone, hoping for a reassuring text from his girlfriend who he is in a long distance relationship with as she had moved across the country last month to start her dream job. The little “delivered” icon stung. He knew she was just busy with work, but the doubts still crept in making him question if she was as committed. John wished sharing his feelings came as easily as it seemed to for her.
This fictional story represents a common reality – men navigating long distance relationships (LDRs) face added challenges influenced by societal pressures around masculinity. Examining these obstacles with empathy paves the way for healthy communication.
Why Long Distance Hits Harder For Men
“Women are often more adept at maintaining long distance relationships,” says Dr. Anita Chlipala, relationship therapist and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love. She believes many women adjust to such situations as “They tend to be more communicative by nature.”
In contrast, research shows many men grapple with:
Less emotional communication – Perceived taboos around heart-to-heart talks lead many men to suppress doubts, concerns, and affection that could strengthen intimacy over distance.
Greater sexual frustration – Men statistically have higher libidos, making forced abstinence challenging. In one study by Solomon and Love, 54% of men in long distance relationships reported sexual dissatisfaction.
More jealousy issues – Outdated assumptions around “masculine” infidelity and “feminine” loyalty feed unwarranted jealousy, while pressure to seem “laid back” deters honest dialogue.
Bridging the Disconnect
While the situationship can be very difficult, The Love Shadows believe men can adapt more successfully to long distance relationships (LDRs) by:
Opening up emotionally – Start small by sharing daily ups and downs. Using written letters could prove helpful if found easier than talking. Also, consider counseling to unlearn vulnerabilities taboos.
Reframing needs as normal – Remember needing emotional and sexual intimacy is human, not gendered. Discuss creative solutions for both partners’ needs.
Limiting media fuelling jealousy – Unfollow accounts flaunting racy travel photos or lavish couples. Stay present rather than projecting assumptions.
Making quality time for bonding – Schedule regular virtual dinner dates and activities to remain close despite the distance.
Seeking support – Lean on trusted friends who also have experience with long distance relationships and understand the hardship.
Focusing on Fulfillment
While challenging, distance doesn’t have to be the deal breaker society paints it to be for men. “Refocus on meeting each other’s underlying needs and being ‘all in’ despite logistical barriers,” recommends psychologist Dr. Wyatt Fisher. Finally, it is strongly believed by The Love Shadows that open communication, empathy, and commitment would naturally trump distance.
FAQs
Q: Do men cheat more than women in long distance relationships (LDRs)?
A: No, infidelity rates are similar for both genders. Outdated stereotypes falsely paint men as more prone to cheating.
Q: How can I get my partner to open up more?
A: Tell them you notice they seem down and you’re available to listen and offer comfort without judgment when they’re ready. Let them share at their own pace.
Q: Is my high sex drive abnormal for an LDR?
A: Not at all! Greater desire for sex is common for men and women in LDRs. Discuss creative solutions like intimacy apps, photos, texts, and scheduled meetups rather than suppressing needs.
Q: Are most LDRs doomed to fail?
A: Absolutely not! Studies show LDRs have similar satisfaction and survival rates to proximate relationships when both partners proactively nurture intimacy.
Q: How do I deal with missing physical affection?
A: Self-care, hobbies with friends, chatting, and scheduled virtual intimacy help manage frustration between visits. Reframing touch as just one love language also helps.