Have you gone through an experience where someone made you feel too emotional or caused you to doubt the things that you believe in?
Is there someone in your life presently who makes you feel anxious and question your own sanity? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then you may have been or be a victim of gaslighting.
Gaslighting takes many forms and can occur in any type of relationship, whether at work, romantic relationships, friendships or family.
Now, according to Research, experiencing persistent gaslighting can make a person vulnerable to numerous mental health problems, including chronic anxiety, depression, co-dependency and post traumatic stress disorder.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a subtle form of psychological abuse where one personal group makes another person question their own view of reality, sanity, or memories.
Someone who’s experiencing gaslighting often feels confused, anxious, and lacks the ability to trust themselves in essence. Therefore Gaslighting could be defined as a form of insidious manipulation that happens in abusive relationships where a victim is made to question his or her judgments and perception of reality.
Now all of the abuse is common in romantic relationships. It can happen amongst family members or in the workplace to anyone, regardless of their gender.
So let’s get into some of the techniques that people use to gaslight others. Now gaslighting is a technique that works by undermining the victims whole perception of reality.
Don’t forget now, people experiencing this form of abuse often doubt their own memories and tend to second guess themselves and viewpoints. After communicating with a person who’s gaslighting you, you can feel dazed wondering what could be wrong with you. When such tactics are used persistently by abusers, the victim may end up questioning their sanity.
Some strategies used by abusers to gaslight their victims.
#1. Pathologically lying.
Now someone who’s gaslighting you will tell blatant lies to your face and will never try to even change stories when confronted with evidence.
#2. Discrediting
GASLIGHTERS may also spread rumors or false information to discredit and damage the reputation of their victims, deflecting blame when called out for something they did or said. Gaslighters tend to deflect by changing the subject or blaming others for what has happened.
#3. Trivializing feelings or thoughts.
Minimizing your emotions is one of the strategies that a gaslighter may use to gain power and control over you.
#4. Denying wrongdoing.
Gaslighters never, ever, ever accept responsibility for their mistakes. Instead, they use words of compassion as a weapon. Some gaslighters may use compassionate words to throw their victims off balance and deflect blame.
#5. Reframing and twisting conversations:
They tend to reframe past events to make them look blameless. When dealing with a person who uses any of these tactics as a manipulation tool, pay attention to the way they act instead of always believing what they say.
Consider, for instance, whether the person shows love or only says such things.
How to recognize gaslighting and its signs
It’s true that victims of gaslighting often find it challenging to realize that they’re being abused, mostly because of its insidious nature.
Sometimes they are afraid to question the abuser because of the power imbalance or because they depend on the person in some way. Now, here are the signs of gaslighting;
- You experience powerless and isolated.
- One starts feeling convinced that everyone considers you crazy.
- You often feel confused, tend to second guess yourself.
- You would constantly apologize, even when you’re the person who has been wronged in a particular situation.
- Feeling of incompetency or worthlessness spreads through you.
- You start to question whether you are too sensitive.
- You lie to your friends or family to avoid making excuses for them.
- You become unsociable and withdrawn.
Remember, prolonged gas lighting can cause depression and anxiety, psychological trauma, particularly when it’s used as an element of a wider pattern of abuse.
How do you respond to gaslighting?
Naturally those that gaslight sometimes convince themselves that what they’re doing is in the best interest of their victim, even when their behavior implies otherwise.
They often feel extreme anxiety when they think about losing the target of their gaslight. Control is big for them, and you must avoid being controlled at all cost.
Tips on how to resist gaslighting
#1. Make sure that it’s actually gaslighting that you’re experiencing:
A very important step in responding to gaslighting is recognizing the warning signs and seeing it for what it is.
Of course, the abusive pardons can be challenging to recognize given the subtle nature of this behaviour.
Sometimes it’s nice to take note of the pattern of manipulation and understand that not everyone who’s being rude or critical to your view is necessarily gaslighting.
Take note of the signs and scrutinize how certain actions make you feel, it is gaslighting if it makes you doubt your memory of events and constantly question yourself. You should also be concerned when the actions of someone else makes you feel unhappy and confused
#2. Take a break from the situation.
When dealing with any form of abuse, the emotions can be overwhelming and confusing. Now, although the feelings of anger may stem from frustration, sadness, or something else, you shouldn’t allow them to influence the decisions that you make.
Consider staying calm at the moment as you consider ways to address the problem more effectively.
To help you make a decision with a clear mind try just taking a break from the conversation and revisiting the discussion at a later time.
Many people find that stepping outside for a walk, for instance, helps them refocus. You could try that!
#3. Gather evidence.
Now the best thing to do when you suspect being gaslit is to avoid making hasty decisions. Consider recording your interactions with the abuser, as this will help you keep track of events. When the person tries to deny conversations that have taken place or your views, you can always have something to go back to for verification.
You could, for instance, take pictures of damaged items, save emails, save text messages, et cetera. Also remember to record such data, recording time and date, and summarize the conversations that you had. These could come in handy if you choose to pursue legal measures, for instance.
Of course, you’re not duty bound to confront the gaslighter. However, having evidence that you can refer to can help you restore your Peace of Mind and support recovery.
#4. Speaking up about the gas lighting.
So gaslight is are often successful because their actions confuse their victims and make them doubt themselves. Now if you can demonstrate that you’re not bothered at all by their behavior. The abuser may decide that their efforts are not worthwhile or their tricks are not working. Consider calling out insults, calling out criticisms and lies politely and calmly. Also, don’t be afraid to tell others about your experiences and concerns. This is because telling others about your problems gives abusers more incentive to leave you alone. You don’t have to suffer in silence.
#5. Remain confident in your version of events and this is critical.
So gaslighters tend to thrive in making people doubt their beliefs and their memories. We all recall events in different ways. Yeah, and criticism may have you questioning whether maybe what you recall truly happened as you perceived it to get ahead of a gas lighter.
Don’t give room to self doubt, but gaslighter wants you to start questioning yourself now. While you may not recall all the details, things actually happened as you remembered them so avoid getting drawn into a conflict with the abuser by believing your version of events and changing the discussion, you get to retain control of the situation.
#6. Prioritize self-care.
Now, your first priority is to make sure that your emotional and psychological needs are met. While self-care may not address the gaslighting directly, it works towards supporting your mental health and that’s really important.
Stressing about abusive behavior can negatively affect your work and personal life. Dedicate time for relaxation and the things that calm you down and your thoughts. Also consider spending as much time as you can with family and friends.