When you’re in the dating world, it’s not uncommon to be drawn to a certain type of person.
Maybe you’re interested in physical features, such as people who are looking a certain way, perhaps, slimmer or fair in complexion or perhaps you gravitate towards certain personalities, like someone who’s more reserved than extroverted, with hobbies and interests that most closely aligned with your own. After all, being selective has never been an odd idea.
However, whatever your preferences have been up to this point, dating someone who isn’t your typical type can turn out to be quite beneficial.
In fact, it might be the key to developing a meaningful, fulfilling relationship.
Why do we date the same type of people?
So according to experts, there are many layers that make up the reasons why we’re drawn to a specific type of person.
From the evolutionary perspective, for example, pairing up was a means of survival as opposed to the idea of seeking love and attraction.
In the early days of human existence, when you read history, life was obviously short as it was brutal and was survival of the fittest. Those who chose male partners who were healthy, strong, and perhaps even capable of providing protection and access to resources were more likely to be the ones that would survive the harshest of conditions and those who selected female partners who were healthy and fertile, You know, plush lips, symmetrical faces were more than likely to continue their genetic lineage.
Then of course, there was the individual’s personal history to consider. We also tend to choose partners based on our early experiences with our parents and other primary caregivers.
These formative interactions inform our sense of self worth and expectations when it comes to other people’s behaviors that we carry on from childhood into adulthood.
And of course, we can also talk about the absence of maybe some of these trait in adults that we look up to, that can leave a mark and influence our type of person that we end up with. For example, if you grew up experiencing comfort and affection. You most likely will learn that you’re worthy of love and that you can expect others to treat you with care and with kindness.
On the other hand, if you were surrounded by pain and fear, you may feel this as normal as well. Also, we probably end up dating similar kinds of people because we do have a type, because we attract a certain type of person and because we just happen to be in situations where we encounter the same type of person more frequently, if you think about it critically.
(5) reasons why it’s important that you break that cycle of dating the same kind of person over and again
#1. Dating a type can be limiting.
Now, if you only date a certain type of person, you limit the number of people who could potentially be right for you, and that’s a fact.
While it is important that you shouldn’t lower your standards or put yourself in a position that feels like you’re settling for less, you should keep an open mind and give other people a chance, even though they don’t necessarily fall into your usual dating category after all.
You simply don’t know who you’re going to get along with, and that’s true for people who are your type or not.
Now, statistically speaking, if we reduce the dating pool to singles who meet strict physical and monetary criteria then the odds of meeting someone who possesses the personality traits that are naturally conducive to lasting happiness, significantly decreases.
#2. Being Judgmental
You’re prematurely judging someone along certain lines if you only date people you consider to be your ideal type.
It’s important to understand that you’re passing judgment on them before taking your time to actually get to know them. Note that you may be missing out on meeting someone truly great by evaluating them under such rigid standards.
Once you’re consciously aware that dating people who are not your type doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness, you can open your eyes to what is familiar and not necessarily good.
Try not to judge people quickly, but rather allow the relationship to grow and see how things span out before you make your next move.
#3. Unhealthy relationships patterns
You are likely to get stuck in an unhealthy relationship pattern if you continue to date the same kinds of people. Now, another important reason why it’s in your best interest to date someone who isn’t your typical type is that it can help break this detrimental relationship path, as already stated. In fact, you may not even realize that you’re dating the same kind of person over and over again, such as continually dating someone for instance, who can’t or refuses to commit, or whom you’re always trying to fix.
That being said, if you’ve experienced a pattern of chaotic, deceitful, abusive or an uncaring dating experiences, then it’s time you sought professional advice as well.
#4. Comfort zone
It’s important that you challenge your comfort zone. Now when we consistently opt for looks first, we miss out on the big picture, creating a big oversight on who is this person? What are their strengths and weaknesses as a human being? What kind of heart do they have? Will they treat you right?
Listen. The way to look beyond your comfort zone is to find someone who has something other than what you would usually find attractive. Is it the way they treat people? Is it the way their nose wrinkles when they smile, for instance? Now pay attention to this new individual until you find one attractive feature and make that move to get to know them. With this, you can begin to retrain your brain on how it actually describes or defines beauty.
#5. Have a fail-safe plan
Finally, you may not know who is right for you. This is true because your type may not actually be the right fit for you. So while you may be looking to meet someone who shares all your interests, has similar background, and tastes just like you, it’s important to keep an open mind.
The key to keeping an open mind includes taking time to analyze past relationships and look for similarities. For example, do you keep chasing women who are more aloof and nonchalant about relationships than you are? Or if you’re a woman, do you tend to be attracted to guys who come on really strong at first and then ghost you in a couple of weeks?
I think it is time you really sit down and assess this as it would help you take some very important decisions where this conversation is concerned.
Here a few things to consider when it comes to relationship satisfaction. It’s important that an individual includes traits like;
- High levels of agreeableness,
- Being kind, Being tolerant,
- Having emotional stability to what is been sought after in the relationship.
Now, while these traits may not sound as sexy as a combination of looks, wealth, adventurousness, you know, research actually shows that couples who rate their partners higher in intangible but stable traits have the strongest levels of intimacy and sexual satisfaction. Also, it may also be helpful to understand your attachment style when you date people .
It is true that people who approach relationships from a secure based attachment believe that they are deserving of love and that they will find love.
How do people approach relationships from a secure based attachment?
- They communicate their needs, their wants.
- Everything is clear when they date people.
- They’re transparent about their deal breakers and tackle red flags head on.
- They also give their partner the benefit of the doubt and extend grace to them.
- People with secure attachment styles know how to balance their lives as a couple and their own life outside of a relationship, so there’s no ambiguity.
In a nutshell, you really need to stop limiting yourself to a certain type of person, a certain type of look, all the time. You may be missing out on a hidden jewel if you’re so fixated on a certain type.